Susan Edmiston

Great blog post from the blog, "A Beer with Brad" as follows:

I'M A Reader...
A few weeks ago a very good friend of mine sent me a couple of books in the mail. It's so awesome having a friend that works at a bookstore. Anyway, for reasons I don't fully understand she sent me a book entitled, "The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger."

Oh shit! Do I have an anger problem? Am I completely ignorant of this? And, is it so apparent to others that a very close friend decided that I needed a book on how to over come it? After my near existential melt down I just decided to chalk up my package to being just a very kind gift without any deeper meaning. But...I could be wrong.

I will admit that I am known in certain small circles for my temper. But, I've always seen most of my angry outbursts as being justified. Yes, I get angry when people are rude. Yes, I get angry when my roommates are messy. Yes, I get angry when I am hassled by campus police when I am at work. Everyone gets angry! But...is anger ever justified? Enter....the book!

I didn't know what to expect when I started reading this book while on a recent trip to NYC. I don't consider myself a spiritual person by any means so I've never bothered to read a book about Buddhism or let alone Buddhist approaches to dealing with anger issues. However, besides a brief mention of Zen meditation in an early chapter there was very little "spirituality". Spiritual teachings weren't the purpose of the book! Instead, the "The Cow in the Parking Lot" was more of an exercise in finding the true cause of anger, the cost of either choosing to act out (with an explosion of expletives), or the benefits of trying to understand the many facets of anger itself.

Think of it this way. The book begins with a scenario. You're rushed, you're trying to find a parking space in a busy lot, and then all of a sudden some jerk driving a type of car that you hate pulls in and takes the parking spot you were patiently waiting for. Are you angry? You bet you are! But, look at it this way. What if, instead of some jerk in a Hummer it was a wandering cow that walked into the parking spot and sat down. Are you mad now? Most likely not. Now you're just in a funny and absurd situation and will have a good story for later.

Now, of course this is a simplification of things. Cows most likely mean no harm which may be the exact opposite of the idiot that took your parking spot. But...was he/she truly being malicious? Were they really out to ruin your day? Did they even see you sitting there waiting patiently? How do you know what they were thinking? The point is...you don't. So why assume that the person was out to offend you? It isn't worth your time and, to make matters worse, the stress you are now feeling because of a lost parking spot damages your health. So, now you are allowing someone to actually harm you without making physical contact. Why bother?

Anger is simply having a current need going unfulfilled. That's really all it is. So, is losing a parking spot worth the angry outburst and high blood pressure. Probably not.

Now, the book gives great advice as to how to deal with situations that may cause anger and I'm not going to go into them here. This post is long enough. But, I'll end here with a few notable quotes. True, they don't have much to do with anger but this book touched on a wide variety of subjects that all are rooted in finding true happiness and peace.
We refuse to take the risk of changing jobs or relationships because we cling to these things when we are emotionally upset. By being unwilling to disturb the habitual order of our lives or to endure emotional pain, we allow ourselves to stay stuck in a situation where our demands are not met on an ongoing basis, leading to anger.
The fact that we "think" we know what will make us happy leaves us with a closed mind, pursuing our mythology rather than being content with where we are right now.
All things in the Universe are deeply interconnected in a complex web of cause and effect. This means that everything that has ever happened and is happening anywhere in the universe affects the present moment. Everything, extending from the big bang through the first amoeba dog-paddling across the slime, the dinosaurs, the extintion of the dinosaurs, Columbus (or whoever) discovering America to what you did yesterday and in the last minute plus the butterfly's wings flapping in Brazil, the first drops of dew settling on Mars, and what your adversary's great-great-grandfather did centuries ago are all interacting to create the present moment. So, when we judge the hand we've been dealt as unfair or unacceptable, we are, in effect, taking on the whole Universe. The odds of our winning this battle are not good.

Great blog post by "Spiritual Gal in the Atheist City"

Grizzly bears on the tube

I’m not sure about you, but for me, the most stressful and downright unpleasant part of my day is the tube. The Central line during morning rush hour is genuinely a spiritual ordeal. I might leave my flat in the morning feeling calm, Zen-like even. But by the (more…)

"The Cow in the Parking Lot" is the 9,864th most highlighted book on Kindle. Here are the most frequently quoted passages:

1. "We are what we think. All that we are arises with out thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world."

2. "The cause of anger is simple: Anger rises when we have an unmet demand."

3. "If you can pause to consider what your demand (or need or expectation) is when you feel anger arising, you will have gone a long way toward changing it."

4. "Change comes, not by struggling to change or by fighting or disciplining oneself, but by becoming aware of what we are feeling and how we habitually act."

5. "Holding onto anger is giving someone else free rent in your head."

6. "What we observe in the moment is what we know. The rest is all interpretation based on a filter of past experiences that may or may not have any relevance."

7. "It's not as important that you identify the correct demand as it is that you pause to ask yourself what it is. The pause, in and of itself, reduces your anger."

8. "We may believe that we know what another person is thinking, but most often our efforts at "mind reading" are projections of our own inner, self-centered concerns."

9. "A saying comes to mind: Anger is as good at solving problems as a fan is at stacking papers."

10. "Most of the time, when people act offensively, their behavior is not aimed at us. Even if there is no doubt the offender is talking to you, or interacting with you, what he says most likely has nothing to do with you you are or what you have done. It's not personal; he doesn't know you. You just happen to be a stage prop in an internal drama taking place in his mind."

Bonus Quote:

Buddhism’s central vow is, “I take refuge in buddha,” which refers not to taking refuge in a god or iconic being but in the quality of “awareness” that such beings have in common.

And here's the Brazilian one!

Two new versions of "The Cow in the Parking Lot" have come out: one in Brazil and one in Portugal.